ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Randomize
