my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
