it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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