he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
It's blow job season.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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