i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Someone shattered a urinal.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
