remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
