jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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