my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
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