I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
