You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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