New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
