somebody snuck up and got me drunk
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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