Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
