They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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