he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
