In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
