Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
My life is pants optional.
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