can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
