I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
