I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
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