It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
