Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
