Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
