I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
