What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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