So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Randomize
