when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
