either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Everyone says I win the strip club
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
