There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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