I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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