So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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