my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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