I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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