When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
They are going to name an STD after you.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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