I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
