Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
