I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
