YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
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