I'm really into asian looking animals
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
