Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
