Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Randomize
