sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
