So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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