just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize