My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
