so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Randomize