Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
