Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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