I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
zippers are such a cool invention
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
