I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
