we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
