Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
