$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
