I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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