Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
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