i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
