You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
We left an ass print on the piano.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
