Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
It's no shave November. This is our time.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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