his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
