My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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