So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Please don't give away my fajitas
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
