dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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