In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize