I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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