my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
please come you make the beer taste better
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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