i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
