Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
your like the ambassador to my penis.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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