Your mouth is God's brothel.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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