I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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