I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
