what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
