I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize