Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
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