wrigley field is MILF paradise
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize