I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
