Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Randomize
