Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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