what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
