She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
