he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
