How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
