careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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