If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
