4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
They have beer where we have blood.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
