I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
