The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
