So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
