He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
