So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
