I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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