That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
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