Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
