checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Randomize
