I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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