I didn't shave. On purpose
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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