I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
