just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Can you bring me the toilet please
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
