Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
